To Get to You
by TRikiD
Summary: Marvin the Martian's life in Los Angeles is pretty boring in his opinion, but that all changes when he meets a new girl. His so-called "friends" try to help him win her affection, and sometimes their plans work and other times they don't. Getting a significant other is a lot more difficult than Marvin anticipated.


Chapter 1 - A Crummy New Year

Life in Los Angeles can always be interesting for a normal human—who was either searching for a good gamble or some carnal knowledge—but this wasn't always the case if you're a Martian. Marvin the Martian definitely wasn't a fan of human culture, but he figured trying to learn it would be better than constantly facing the shame of failing to blow the planet to smithereens.

It didn't help that it was an idiotic duck that stopped him from doing so.

Speaking of which, Marvin had grown bored of sitting at home by himself on New Year's Eve, so he headed over to a party over at Daffy and Bugs' house in celebration of the New Year.

Living alone with few friends of his own, Marvin walked all alone to the party while clad in a small red winter coat. The air was frigid and there was snow, but it was enough to make Marvin shiver a little while a puff of warm breath fumed from his nonexistent nose.

As soon as Marvin walked up to the driveway, he quickly noticed the warm and welcoming light coming from inside the house. It wasn't just the light that caught his attention, but also the people interacting and laughing with each other. It was a familiar sight to Marvin, but in the worst way; he always sees other people get along so well, but never gets to experience such social interaction for himself.

If only he weren't a Martian. At the very least, if only it wasn't illegal on this planet to blast someone just because they didn't treat you kindly.

Marvin rolled his eyes in annoyance towards the humans' inability to telepathically tell when someone is upset, and finally knocked on the front door. After a moment of waiting in silence and darkness, the door was opened with Bugs Bunny waiting on the other side.

"Hey, Marvin! Glad you could make it!" Bugs greeted with a smile.

"Glad I could make it to the festivity that was created by social media," Marvin joked before walking in.

Bugs deadpanned, "Oh, great. Daffy got you, too, huh?"

"No. There is plenty of research on the matter, and it's a proven fact. This celebration doesn't serve a purpose nearly as meaningful as other holidays like Christmas or Easter."

"Oh, getting all religious, are we?"

"Again, no. I am merely speaking on behalf of Christians."

"Are you religious?"

"Is the president of the universe reptilian?"

Bugs blinked in utter confusion, "Uh…I'm not sure what the answer ta that is."

Marvin wore a confident look, as he hung up his coat, "Exactly."

"Well, if it ain't Eight-Ball!" a familiar voice with a lisp announced, as Daffy Duck came strolling up to Marvin with a solo cup in his hand.

"You _know_ I hate that name," Marvin growled deeply.

"Don't get yer skirt in a knot, Shorty. It's a party! Let loose, have some fun, and quit bein' a square!" Daffy laughed while draping an arm over Marvin's shoulder, and taking another swig of his drink.

Marvin promptly removed Daffy's arm, and his face scrunched at the stench of watered-down beer on his breath. That duck was such a lightweight.

"I beg your pardon, but I am in no way, shape or form a square. Although I hate to admit it, your discriminating nickname for me speaks true. My head is round," Marvin calmly explained, waving his hands in a circular motion around his head.

"Yeah, whatever," Daffy dismissed with a wave of his hand, and took one last drink before throwing his cup away—which bounced right off of Marvin's head before landing on the floor.

"That duck makes me so very, very angry," Marvin hissed under his breath, steam practically flowing from his ears.

"Eh, ya learn ta live with it," Bugs admitted while picking up the cup.

"I'm still perplexed as to how you survive being roommates with him."

"I don't really get it either, but he's my best friend. What're ya gonna do?"

"Torture him until he learns to take care of his own responsibilities as a roommate?"

Bugs was silent for a moment, but the deadpanned look returned before he responded with a simple, "No."

Marvin shrugged in defeat, "It was just a suggestion."

* * *

About a half hour later, the party continued and a few more drinks were past around to hype everyone up for the ball drop at midnight. But like most other human traditions, Marvin declined the consumption of any alcohol because he was perfectly aware of it "mind dampening" properties. A wise and powerful Martian like him would never let his brilliant brain fall prey to such temptation.

But even without alcohol in his system, he managed to keep up a conversation with Daffy and Bugs, the latter of which also feeling a slight a slight buzz.

"So, let me get this straight: If you are in a romantic relationship, you share a kiss with your significant other at midnight?" Marvin asked slowly in curiosity.

"Yup," Bugs replied with a nod.

"Sure do, Pal! And if you get lucky, ya might just lucky—if ya know what I mean," Daffy purred in a drunken slur, sending a suggestive grin and wink towards Marvin.

"That's just creepy," Bugs admitted flatly.

Marvin nodded, "Agreed. And I'm afraid I don't know what you mean."

Daffy's grin instantly fell into a frown, "Well then, you gotta get a girlfriend."

Marvin cocked a brow, "A girlfriend? Seriously? What do you take me for? A jobless, rude slob who would depend on a strong relationship or friendship just to survive?"

Marvin stared confidently at Daffy the whole time, to which he easily took offense while Bugs snickered at the burn his roommate just endured.

"You're not funny," Daffy huffed.

"The feeling is mutual," Marvin protested while raising his head.

With that, two finely-dressed women approached; it was Lola Bunny and Tina Russo, the former dressed in a sparkling violet sundress, and the latter clad in a more modest strapless black dress.

"Good evening, Ladies!" Daffy shouted while standing between the two girls and slunk an arm over Tina's shoulder, "You ready for the ball drop?"

"You gotta stop with the innuendoes and double entendres, Hon. They just sound creepy comin' from you," Tina informed dryly.

"That's what I told him," Bugs added, to which Daffy crossed his arms in disappointment.

"Aaaaand with all that stuff aside, let's get ready for the actual, not-out-of-context ball drop!" Lola cheered before dragging her boyfriend over to the television, Tina and Daffy not far behind.

Everyone else eventually gathered in the living room to watch the countdown, leaving Marvin alone once more. The said Martian rolled his eyes and sighed, as his eyes drifted to the dark kitchen. Leaning in the doorway was an overflowing trash bag of solo cups and paper plates, and it irked Marvin to see such a mess go unattended for.

With nothing better to do, Marvin slipped away from the crowd and carried the bag to the trashcan outside. But as soon as Marvin stepped out the backdoor, he spotted a raccoon munching on a half-eaten candy bar next to the trashcan.

"Unhand that candy bar, thief!" Marvin shouted at the raccoon, which hissed at him and held the candy closer to its chest.

Marvin grew tired of the raccoon's futile efforts, so he snatched the candy from its grasp and threw it in the trash. He then threw away the trash bag, and put the lid back on tightly to ensure the raccoon wouldn't get back in.

"How do you like them apples?" Marvin taunted while crossing his arms, only angering the raccoon even more.

With the raccoon being a little over half his size, it thought it could take him on and pounced. Marvin was easily surprised at the sudden action, but fought back as they were sent into a rolling tumble of kicks and punches.

It wasn't long before Marvin slapped the raccoon in the face, buying him a distraction to kick the raccoon off of him. The impact was strong enough to send it flying into a pool chair, and it got tangled in its leather straps. The raccoon shook the dizziness from his head, only to gasp in fear when he saw Marvin pull out and activate his laser gun.

A few more pool chairs stood in Marvin's way, but he fired his laser and instantly disintegrated them while slowly approaching. As Marvin grew closer, the raccoon struggled and whined in terror, and cried even louder when a piece of the other chairs flew towards it.

Marvin lifted the piece of the chair to finish off the raccoon, but blinked in surprise when it was nowhere to be seen. He turned when he heard the raccoon chirp from behind, only for his vision to be obstructed when the raccoon turned over the grill and charcoal dust clouded the air.

"You conniving little trash panda," Marvin grumbled lowly, as his gun glowed brighter after turning up the power on it.

The raccoon quickly sensed danger, and fled right before Marvin fired a continuous laser at it. Marvin remained in one spot while trying to hit the raccoon, as it darted and dashed all over the yard to avoid getting obliterated. All while this was happening, the yard was being burned and destroyed, but everyone in the house remained completely oblivious while counting down the last ten seconds to the ball drop.

The raccoon eventually climbed up an umbrella pole on a backyard table, but Marvin merely fired at the switch on the pole. This caused the umbrella to snap shut, and trap the raccoon inside as it fell to the ground. Marvin then picked up the umbrella by the pole, as the raccoon tried and failed to escape, and tossed it over the fence for the neighbor to deal with.

"If I can't destroy the planet, at least I can say I put a furry thief in its place," Marvin boasted to himself, slapping his hands together in a wiping motion.

He walked back towards the house, to which he could see the ball still dropping through the window. But a sudden thump to the back of his head stopped him, even knocking him flat on his stomach.

"Keep your raccoons ta yourself!" Yosemite Sam shouted angrily from his yard.

Marvin groaned in pain, only managing to stay conscious long enough to the raccoon to finally escape and blow a raspberry at him before scampering off. When Marvin finally blacked out, cheers erupted from the house when midnight arrived.

* * *

**With the end of the decade finally upon us, I thought I'd get started on a Marvin love story that I've been meaning to write...for years.**

**And yes, Marvin's fight with the raccoon is inpsired by the Jack-Jack vs raccoon scene from The Incredibles 2. You're welcome.**

**Until the next chapter, I'm TRikiD! Bye-bye!**


End file.
